And it continues...

You know the bathroom project? The one that's been in progress for too damn long? Today, Vince suggested that we move the washer and dryer. I asked if he'd finished the wiring. The breaker box is in Megan's room and her furniture has been displaced for weeks while the wires were hanging there, waiting for someone to connect them. Vince then told me that he would just roll those wires up for now and wait until we needed them to connect them. I asked how the dryer would work if the wires weren't connected to a breaker. He said that the dryer can be plugged up to the 220 outlet that's already in the room. I said ....."So, why did we want to run that wiring?" He responded with "Exactly." Evidently his mother told him to run the wiring and that we couldn't finish the bathroom until the wiring was done. The reason? Who the fuck knows? But, hey, at least we're that much closer to being finished. Of course, we would have been finished months ago if we hadn't wasted so much time procrastinating about running the wiring and then running the wiring.

Randomness

While I was outside, watering the flowerbeds in the front yard, a group of teenagers walked by the yard. One girl asked "Can I smell your hose?" Before I could respond, most likely with "Are you serious?...

Second girl: "You are such a freak."
First girl: "What? I like the way they smell."
Second girl: "Do you even know that lady?"
First girl: "Not really, but who would mind if a person smells their hose?"
Second girl: "You can't just ask people stuff like that. You're a freak."

They continued to talk all the way to their house, but I couldn't hear the rest of the conversation. I'm sure it was entertaining.

That's My Girl

Friday afternoon, Tripp and I went to Megan's soccer game. When the game was over, Megan and I started walking toward the car, but Tripp wanted to continue playing. Megan seemed to think that this was the perfect occasion to leave him...and insult me at the same time.

Megan: He's not looking, you should start running.

Me: I don't need to run.

Megan: (Silently glances at my belly.)

Me: What? Are you suggesting that I should run more often?

Megan: No. I was just noticing how much smaller it is than it used to be. * laughs maniacally *

Me: Nice, Megan. Real nice.

Landscaping

Today, I decided to do a little yardwork. There was this old, half-barrel planter on the patio that I'd initially wanted to fill with colorful flowers. But, once I looked at it a little more closely, I realized that it was falling apart, so I decided to empty the dirt into the flowerbed and thrown the planter away. Little did I realize that the dirt was the only thing holding the planter together.


Anybody need a little rotten wood? Or a couple of rusty rings?

Conversations

Today Tripp got a new toy. He was looking at the packaging, where it said "ages 3 and up". He looked at me and the following conversation took place.

Tripp: Hey, Mom. You can play with this.

Me: Yeah. I'm definitely over 3.

Tripp: You're over 30, too. But not over 40.

Me: You're right.

I turned away from him to ask Megan something, then I heard....

Tripp: But you're working on it.

Me: What did you say???

Random guy next to us: "HAHAHAHAHA"

How They Screw You

On Sunday, I washed my cell phone with the laundry. On Monday (April 9,) I went to the Sprint store to get a new phone. After I picked the phone that I wanted, the guy started the long, drawn-out process of selling it to me.

Sprint guy: "Do you realize that if you wait until May 1, you get another $75 off?"

Me: "Yes, but I washed my phone yesterday, so I need a new phone today."

Sprint guy: "That's $75 just for waiting a few more weeks."

Me: "A few weeks is a long time to have no phone."

Sprint guy: "I just want you to be aware that you're missing out on that $75."

Me: "Consider me informed."

Then the Sprint guy clicks around on his computer for a few minutes, calls his supervisor over, asks why the phone is ringing up at the wrong price. She points out to him that there's an extra $75 being deducted, because my upgrade period is only a few weeks away. At this point, I should not have said "Well, well. Looks like I was misinformed about the discounts available."

Business Time

Dead Cat

Last night, Vince and I were sitting on the deck, discussing what to do about the dead cat in the blackberry bushes. I told him that the cat had fallen further into the bushes during the day. I said that we'd probably have to cut all the vines on our side of the fence in order to get over the fence...then we'd have to cut some of the vines on the other side of the fence in order to remove the cat. Then Vince had an epiphany. He suggested that we throw one of the live cats over the fence, onto the dead cat. He thinks that the live cat would knock the dead cat free. I think that Vince is going to need to be banned from independent thought soon.

Yard Work

Today I mowed. While I was mowing the far side of the back yard, I found a dead cat. I didn't know what to do with a dead cat, so I asked Vince's mom. She said to get a shovel and toss it over the fence. So I did. I tossed the dead cat across the fence. But I didn't clear the blackberry bushes. Now we have a dead cat hanging in the bushes behind the house.

Worms

We've been doing a lot of yardwork lately. That means digging in the dirt. There are a LOT of worms in our yard. On Sunday, Megan was helping me remove the rocks from the grass we'd pulled and she started asking questions about worms.

Megan: Which end is the head?

Me: I don't know.

Megan: How do you tell if it's a boy or girl?

Me: I don't think there are boy and girl worms. I'm pretty sure that worms are asexual. That means they can all produce offspring, not just the girl ones.

Megan: So, are we b-sexual? ...why are you laughing???

Wowza

Tonight, we watched The Devil Wears Prada. Decent movie...but the best thing about it was one of the male actors. Now 2 of my work buddies will see why I don't get excited about the same guys that they do. This is my idea of a hunk.

Overheard in the Fourth Grade

Megan's classmate: What are those chicken pox things all over your face?
Megan: You mean, freckles?
Megan's classmate: Yeah. What did you name them?
Megan: ...
Megan's classmate: You didn't name them?
Megan: No. Why would I do that?
Megan's classmate: So you can say hello to them.
Megan: ...

Good News, Bad News

The good news is that the RV is out of the back yard. Today we pulled it forward, through the gate and into the driveway. While going through the gate, we managed to knock the door off of the RV. The wooden gate, however, suffered only superficial damage. It's a good thing that we finally got around to moving it. Hopefully the lush yellow grass on the area will turn into lush green grass soon. Or at least lush green dandelions, to match the rest of the yard.

The bad news? Now the RV is in front of the house...where everyone can see it.

Growing Pains

Yesterday was pajama day at the kids' school. Tripp loves footie pajamas, so he choose to wear those. Much to his surprise (but no one else's,) the other kids in his class do not share his love of pajamas with feet. The first thing he said when he got into the car was "Mama! The other kids laughed at me today!" Evidently, one friend even went so far as to try to get Tripp in enough trouble to be sent to the principal's office...so that more kids could see Tripp's poor choice of night clothes. I told him that he shouldn't let other people dictate how he dresses. He rolled his eyes at me.

Megan also had an unpleasant experience at school yesterday, but hers was second hand. Evidently one of her friends has started menstruating. At age 10. I guess that's not particularly shocking. One of my friends had her first period when we were in 4th grade. Megan said that the girl cried, because the blood scared her. I managed to not respond with "If you really want to see crying, just wait until one of your friends misses a period."

Yard Work

This weekend, we did yard work. I worked both Saturday and Sunday. Well, on Saturday, by "work", I mean that I stood around and pointed at limbs that I wanted Vince to cut off a tree. But on Sunday...OMG...on Sunday, I worked. I pulled up a small tree, I hoed the hell out of a patch of ground roughly 8 feet square, and I used that little claw looking thingy to try to regain control of the gravel path along the north edge of the back yard. I worked until my hands wouldn't grip anymore. I worked until I actually understood the term "bone weary." I worked until I couldn't anymore, then I went inside for a glass of water. I had to use both hands to drink it. My hands were shaking. And do you know how the yard looks now? About the same as it did before I started. Only now there yard waste bin, the wheelbarrow and two 5 gallon buckets are full of grass, plants and bits of tree. Anyone know how much it would cost to hire a gardener to do this crap?

Wedding Planning...part 2 of 5,000,000

Holy shit, people. Did you know that planning a wedding involves making decisions? I'm not a fan of decision making. I'm also not a fan of spending money on temporary decorations. I am, however, a fan of drinking. Which is why the entire wedding and reception planning so far consists of "open bar!" It's possible that I might stop right there. So, if you're coming, you might want to consider bringing a chair. And some food. I've got you covered on the liquor, though.

Freedom

Vince's brother was kind enough to offer to take the kids for a few days while they're out of school for mid-winter break. It's odd to be home alone. I like it. Do you know what I just did? I went to 7/11 for some smokes and a juice. You know, because I'm trying to be all healthy and shit how. Anyway, I just WENT. No arguing with anyone. No searching for shoes. No fighting over who gets to lock the front door and unlock the car. No begging to listen to rap music on the drive there. No fighting over who gets to talk to me. Just silence. And a quick trip to the store. I'd forgotten that you can go anywhere in under 30 minutes.

WWYD

Say you order some high priced skin care products and makeup online. You receive the products, but aren't happy with a couple of them, so you send them back. Then you come home a few days later to another package sitting on the front steps. It's the entire shipment again. Do you keep it, or do you send it all back? Or, do you just send back the same two items you didn't like before and hope for a second refund?

Wedding Planning

We've been stepping up the wedding planning activities. For us, this means we've actually mentioned it to each other. Deciding to have a teeny little ceremony, including only a bride, groom, maid of honor, best man and some guy to take the video/photos has made a lot of the work disappear...but there is still work to be done. I decided that one of the first things to do was to finalize WHERE we're going to have the ceremony. A few months back, I called Thornewood Castle. The woman I talked to was pretty helpful. I described what I had in mind, and she told me that for what we wanted to do, we could reserve some area of the grounds or castle for an hour for a price of $500. That seemed decent enough to me, especially for such a beautiful place in need of no decorating on my part, but at that time, I had no idea of when the wedding might take place.

Today I called again, in hopes of making an appointment to see the place and then reserve our time. But no. The cum drunk whore that I talked to today says that they do NOT reserve anything at the castle for that length of time. She says that if I want to film a wedding there, I have to pay for the full 6 hours, as well as all the chairs and tables for the 100 guest wedding party...you know, the ones who won't be in attendance. And the full 6 hours? $4,500 on a Saturday. Only $3,500 on Sunday, though. Who the hell decided that weddings should be expensive? The court house route is looking more and more attractive with every day that passes.

Rustic

This weekend, we went to a rustic cabin up in the mountains. Beautiful scenery, lots of pretty snow, a river/creek running behind the cabin. Very nice. Except for the whole bit about "no running water" and "generator provided electricity." And did I mention the Honey Bucket in the yard? The ever-so-close-to-overflowing Honey Bucket? Oh, and the snow? Which means that it was really cold out in the Honey Bucket?

Actually, it was an enjoyable trip. Lots of laziness and even more drunkeness. And a few minor injuries. None of which happened to me, so even those were enjoyable. To me.

Also, there was a potato gun. Maybe not so much of a gun as a cannon. This thing was HUGE and could shoot a potato pretty freaking far. When I first heard them talking about shooting the potato gun later, I had an image in my mind of one of those tiny little guns that you see in the toy department at Fred Meyer. I thought it was odd that the guys were getting so excited about a crap toy like that...but then I remembered how long the fart machine kept these guys entertained, so it sorta made sense. The potato gun was not tiny. It was mad out of PVC pipe and used Aqua Net as the ignition source. I really wish I'd taken a camera. I'd like to have gotten a picture of the potato gun...as well as the liquor storage area. Which was a drift of snow/ice roughly 3 feet high that covered most of the deck area.