Mommy burned me on purpose!

Tripp: Can I have some of the garlic bread?

Me: No. It just came out of the oven and it's still very hot.

Tripp: But I want some.

Me: It's hot.

Tripp: Just a little.

Me: Too hot.

Tripp: I never get anything I want. All I want is bread, and you won't let me have it.

Me: Fine. Get some. But it's going to burn you because it's still hot.

Tripp: OOOWWWWWW! It hurts! You burned me on purpose, Mommy.

Football

Football season is upon us. We've been watching a lot of football at our house. We've also been throwing the ball around in the yard quite a bit. Sometimes we even kick the ball. Sometimes, the ball goes toward the back of the yard. Where the big trees stand. And sometimes, people have to climb those trees to retrieve the football...



Just in case you didn't spot him, here's a closer look.

Celebrations

Last night, Vince was filling in the calendar with his opera stuff for the next several months. He stopped suddenly and the following conversation took place.

Vince: Honey....I'm very sorry, but I have to work on the Vernal Equinox.

Me: Oh no! But that's a major holiday for me. You're not going to be upset if we do the naked goat dance without you are you?

Vince: I would be upset with that whether I were here or not.

Me: Oh. Fine, then. No naked goat dance.

Vince: Looks like I'll also be working on Easter Monday.

Me: You know, we generally do the naked goat dance then, too.

Lost

Yesterday, I lost the boy for a bit. When I saw him go out the front door, I assumed that he was going to ride his bike or scooter. A few minutes later, I walked past the windows and realized that I couldn't see him. So I went out front and called for him. No answer. I went back inside and asked Megan if she'd seen him. She hadn't. I went to his room and looked under his bed. No Tripp. I went downstairs and looked for him. Still nothing. I walked out to his tree house. Nada. I looked in his sister's clubhouse. But no. I even went into the garage. The garage, people! Still nothing. Then I went to the front of the house again. This time I saw him. Coming away from the front door of the house across the street. Which is bad. He's not allowed to go into any of the houses on our street, because I don't know the people and there are no kids his age in any of them. I asked him what he'd been doing. "Selling stuff." I asked what he was selling. "This"...while holding up a plastic Smurf that's definitely seen better days. It's grubby and nasty. But he was going door-to-door, trying to sell it. I had a brief hope that he'd only gone to the one house, directly across the street...but no. He went to ALL the houses. Selling a grimy Smurf. I'm sure the neighbors love us.

Improve the Workplace

In a meeting a couple of weeks ago, our boss told us that we need to come to work a little more regularly. It seems that the higher level management has been wandering around the building, just to see who is at work. They do this around 5 on Fridays, I believe. Anyway, our boss suggested that we actually BE at work for the hours we claim on our timecard. The following day, there was another meeting, during which the higher level management covered timecards again, implying that we might have to start punching a clock, rather than being trusted to keep track of our working hours on our own.

Today, our boss sent out an email asking for suggestions on how to improve staff retention and employee morale. I think that my suggestion might be "How about you back off that whole attendance thing a little?"

How Things Work

Yesterday, the kids and I were watching a movie. The movie had two main characters, both male. One is thin...the other is not. In the final scene of the movie, two girls showed up to ask the guys on dates. Tripp noted that the fat guy would get the ugly girl. I asked which one he thought was ugly, and he pointed her out. Megan asked, "The one who looks like Mama?" I looked at her in askance. She immediately launched into an explanation that would make it seem less like she just described her mother as "the ugly one." This explanation involved saying "Well, not how you look NOW...maybe how you used to look. When you were young."

Conversations At Work

Chat Buddy says:
have you heard of people sitting on balls
Chat Buddy says:
at work.. instead of a chair
Wendy says:
Yeah.
Chat Buddy says:
fitness balls
Wendy says:
Supposed to be good for your posture.
Chat Buddy says:
and abs
Chat Buddy says:
i might get one
Wendy says:
You'll fall off.
Chat Buddy says:
i might fall off
Wendy says:
I suspect that just sitting up straight is what's good for your abs.
Chat Buddy says:
you see me... i slouch
Wendy says:
Me, too.
Wendy says:
Except for right now.
Chat Buddy says:
not me
Wendy says:
I wish we had better desks.
Chat Buddy says:
i wish we had better chairs
Chat Buddy says:
your turn...
Wendy says:
I wish I understood tax credits.
Chat Buddy says:
i wish the sun was shining
Wendy says:
I wish we didn't have a meeting in 45 minutes.
Chat Buddy says:
i wish i won the lottery and could leave this filth behind me
Wendy says:
I wish you'd get a ball to sit on so I could laugh when you fall off.
Chat Buddy says:
i wish my ball would vibrate. that would be fun
Wendy says:
And you'd NEVER leave your desk.
Wendy says:
Wait...ball? You only have one?
Chat Buddy says:
did you know that if you have a testicle removed, they can put in an artificial one?
Wendy says:
I did not.
Chat Buddy says:
it was on tv
Wendy says:
....what, exactly, would the artificial one be FOR?
Chat Buddy says:
um.... just so there are 2 to play with
Chat Buddy says:
i mean.. .so if feels natural to your partner
Wendy says:
lol…have an artificial ball implanted in order to feel natural.
Chat Buddy says:
would you get a new boob if you lost one?
Wendy says:
I'm not THAT absent minded.
Chat Buddy says:
you wouldn't laugh if i fell off my ball, would you?
Wendy says:
Yes. Yes, I would.

Unattended

When Todd is left unattended, you get candy bars taped to walls. When I'm left unattended, you get pointless blogs. So, today I noticed something about my yard. The kudzu is doing wonderfully. Bushy and green and spreading.



The mutant tree bush is also doing well. All 4-5 types of bush/tree are thriving and vibrant.



The grass growing in the middle of the walkway is spreading nicely.



The entire rest of the yard looks like a wasteland. I'm firmly convinced that Mother Nature is punishing me for something. At least there's lots of color. Yellow and brown count, right?

Are you fucking kidding me?

Yesterday I went to the doctor and was given prescriptions for allergy medicine. For some reason, this year, my allergies have gone ape-shit. He gave me prescriptions for two things. One is a nasal spray, which, if used daily for a week or so, will prevent histamines from being released. The other is an anti-histamine, which prevents released histamines from attaching. When I went to the pharmacy to pick up the prescriptions, I was shocked to discover that each medicine had a $50 co-pay. My insurance company has 3 tiers of drugs, which cost $10, $20, and $50, respectively. The tiers are explained as follows (the important lines are italicized):

# Tier 1- Drugs offering the greatest value within a therapeutic class. Some of these are the generic equivalents of brand name drugs.
# Tier 2 - Moderate Cost Drugs. These can be multi-source brand name drugs which are drugs which have a generic equivalent. Other drugs on this tier are the preferred drugs within a therapeutic class based on clinical efficacy and cost as determined by the Anthem Pharmacy and Therapeutics Committee.
# Tier 3 - Higher Cost Drugs. These are typically single source brand name drugs which are brand name drugs that do not have a generic equivalent. These also may include single source brand name drugs that have no other therapeutic equivalent, but are determined to be a third tier drug solely on the basis of cost. In addition, drugs on this tier may be a higher cost than equivalent drugs on lower tiers or drugs determined to be less efficient than equivalent drugs on lower tiers by the Anthem Pharmacy and Therapeutics Committee.

Yes. The insurance company is evidently in charge of determining which drugs I should take. They know which drugs are efficient and which are inefficient. I'm not sure why I should go to a doctor at all. I can understand why insurance companies have different co-pay amounts for generic and name brand drugs. It makes perfect sense that they should try to influence the patients to take the least expensive version of a medication. But that third tier is bullshit. There is no valid reason for the insurance company to dictate which drugs are effective. That should be up to the doctor and patient.

Inappropriate Behavior

Yesterday, Megan came to me to complain because Tripp was trying to kiss her. By "came to me," I mean that she beat the shit out of him until I heard him crying and made her stop. Anyway, she told me what he was doing to antagonize her, and I had a short discussion with him. It consisted of "Don't kiss your sister." His response was "But I like her." This led to further discussion, in which I told him that it's not ok to kiss people without their permission. At that point, Megan decided to tell me that Tripp has been kissing girls at daycare...without their permission. The whole permission thing seemed just beyond Tripp's grasp. I said, over and over, "You can't just go around kissing whoever you want, whenever you want. The other person has to say it's ok first!" He kept saying, over and over, "But they won't say it's ok!" I suspect that Tripp and I will be having this conversation a few more times.

And on a related note....according to one of my coworkers, if you want to have a three-some, you have to order a pizza.

Working Hard

Here at work we have a couple of pranksters. For example, one day a coworker left his cell phone lying on his desk while he went to lunch...when he came back, his phone was programmed to display everything in Spanish. On another occasion, a coworker left for a business trip and while he was gone, someone reprogrammed his office phone so that when he makes interoffice calls, the caller id will read "CALL FROM IDIOT" rather than reading "CALL FROM EXT 000"

Well, earlier this week they decided to redecorate my office while I was gone. I have a basket of miniature candy bars on my desk (part of my plot to appear skinnier by making the people around me fatter.) When I got back, the candy bars (and also my little ducky) were taped to the walls and ceiling.

Home Run!

Last night at the Mariner's game, Tripp caught a home run ball. Well, he didn't exactly "catch" it. The ball fell neatly into his lap after bouncing off a couple of gloves. But he was definitely excited about it. We were on TV and everything!

Cell Phone Plans

I recently changed my cell phone plan to include unlimited PCS to PCS calls. This means Vince and I can call each other as often as necessary...for free. Very handy. Mostly because we have long, deep conversations like the following:

*ring*
Me: Hey, you know that big box of porn in the garage?
Him: Yep.
Me: Is there anything in there with a midget blowing a clown?
Him: No, but there's one with a midget as Santa's evil elf.
Me: Ok, thanks. Talk to you later.
Him: Bye.

The Kid Card

A few of my coworkers have commented that I "play the kid card" when I don't want to come to work. I absolutely do this. You see, it's ever so much more entertaining to stay at home with a bitchy child than to go to work. Especially when work equates to surfing, playing games, and watching funny video clips on youtube. I'm SO happy that, rather than reading all the comics in my daily rotation (which is my normal accomplishment by 9 am on work days,) I've cleaned the kitchen and dining area completely and done a couple of loads of laundry.

Of course, that pretty much clears out my chores for the day. So I think I might go take a nap or read a book. One good thing about sick kids is that they sleep a lot. Right now, she's watching TV like Vince watches sports. To the casual observer, this style of TV viewing looks a lot like sleeping. However, I've been informed on multiple occasions that it is NOT sleeping. I'm gonna go help her watch TV now. Enjoy your work day!

Mass Murder

Lately, I've begun a battle with dandelions. They're vicious creatures. I attempted specicide last weekend, but to no avail. So on Tuesday, I got more dandelion killer. I planned my attack for Tuesday evening, but it was delayed for 1 to 2 days while I watered the lawn excessively. Today became D-Day. But when I read the instructions for application on the dandelion killer, I noticed the following line..."Do not use if the temperature is expected to exceed 85 degrees within the next 24 hours." Dammit! It's hot, what, one week a year here? And the planned attack managed to coincide with it. Or maybe it wasn't a coincidence. Maybe these dandelions are better connected than I thought. Mother Nature is protecting them. Grrrr

Let's Get Educated

My sister has a college degree. A Bachelor of Arts in Communication. That means she had to take a lot of English classes. She put a note in the birthday card that she sent to me. It reads:

Hopefully, you'll have new pics of Brendan before you get this card. We were gonna get one of all the kids done, but Katie got a bug bite on her forehead.

Wonderful grammar and structure, no? I realize that I can't really make fun, because my grammar is horrible...especially when I'm speaking. But my degree was in a technical field. We're expected to suck at writing. The expectation is strong enough that every CS advisor will stress the importance of passing the writing exam required for graduation. They even offer to tutor for free if a student feels that he needs the help. Her degree is in journalism. She had to write articles for several classes in college. Enough so that following the basic rules of English would be a natural act. Writing things incorrectly should just feel wrong, even without thinking about it. My first thought was "well, how good can a university in Tennessee be?" But I went there for a couple of semesters, and my classes more challenging the school where I finished my degree. Maybe they have different rules for grammar in TN. What she wrote could be completely, grammatically correct by the rules she learned. Nah....I think she's just too lazy to do it right.

And another

Dave found the following entry on Wikipedia. Sometimes these things change....so I'm giving the link, as well as the text that was on the page when I read it. Oh, and Dave...there's no way you can be a Nice Guy. The article states over and over again that Nice Guys are intelligent. Ha!

Nice Guy Syndrome

"Nice Guy Syndrome" is a folk psychology term. Some use it to describe an adult male who seeks sexual attraction and romantic intimacy, but only finds cordial friendship and platonic love. Others use it to describe an adult male who acts as though he seeks friendship, but only as a foothold to gain a more intimate relationship. The term originates from a type of platitude said to be heard by such men ("You're a really nice guy and all, but...")[citation needed]. Several dating gurus discuss this phenomenon and attempt to offer solutions for it.

The "nice guy" is described as a pleasant, intelligent, unattractive and highly considerate male and with low or misguided confidence (especially with women). These traits often lead to afflicted men being a very good listener, and articulate and expressive speakers. They are also more negatively polite than their peers[citation needed]. Such men are often frustrated, if not indignant, about their romantic trouble. They may also use their status as a "nice guy" to gain sympathy from the women they are interested in.

According to some, men abuse the theory of the nice guy syndrome to justify lack of interest from attractive women. They counter that these men make no effort to find "nice" women.[citation needed]William Sheldon's somatotype theory, now discredited as a pseudoscience, stated that many of the personality and physical traits associated with "nice guys" were linked. Such men were of the ectomorph type. Some have linked this type to low levels of testosterone.

Friend/lover trait confusion

One theory about the origin of the syndrome is that it results from the affected males having a false perception of what "nice girls" (the women they desire) want in a lover. They usually believe that these women want their men to be intelligent and highly considerate of their needs, and believe they have these qualities. Conversely, they believe these women dislike stupidity and arrogance, abhor misogyny and violence expressed towards them, and place less value on physical attractiveness, muscular strength, cardiovascular endurance, and confidence than other women (see Sexual attraction). On the other hand, the "nice guys" themselves rarely value these traits - prefering to pursue sexually attractive women, over intelligent considerate ones.

This is highly misguided. While there are many traits that conventionally make men initially attractive to women (physical appearence, confidence, humour), when seeking a relationship a women is not looking for a bundle of traits, but a particular person.

When a "nice girl" type friend of a "nice guy" enters into an intimate relationship with any other male, the "nice guy" is often highly confused or upset. The "nice guy" may become passive-agressive, and confront the woman about her failure to recognise his (superior) qualities. This mental anguish occurs because he cannot reconcile his understanding of women with his vastly different experience. Yet despite the disparity, his erroneous belief does not change (see Milton Rokeach).

Despite a long history of failing to get a "nice girl", the "nice guy" repeatedly insists that the problem is with the many girls he has encountered, not himself. Often he will perform the actions of a friend (comforting when upset, listening to problems) and then announcing that women they are pursueing "owes" them something for their actions. If she refuses to date him, he may become angry and indignant and mention that clearly she doesn't want to date "nice guys". If she dates someone else, the "nice guy" will wait for the relationship to go wrong so that he can prove himself superior.

While similar to the Ladder theory, this theory is not as diametric. Men can be on both "ladders" under this theory, even if a woman doesn't realize it.

Sociobiology

The protoscientific fields of sociobiology and evolutionary psychology have hypothesised a possible adaptionary role for the "nice guys" of this theory. Humans can act like the cuckoo - the eggs are fertilized by one father, but another bird raises the children.

A disputed study allegedly found that many ovulating women prefer men with testosterone-influenced characteristics they consider "rough", while those women during the rest of their menstrual cycle prefer men that look like "nice guys". (disputed—see talk page) Some women prefer "nasty" types for short term flings (primarily involving sex), while "nice guys" are more likely to be preferred for long term relationships (which often include child rearing).
Too nice

Another theory is that as a general matter, women enjoy men who make them feel "special," who seem to value them above the rest of the world. As a "nice guy" is generally nice to most people, women may not feel that the "nice guy" is treating them with special preference, as they expect.

Others believe that women may come to misperceive a clingy or needy aura from the "nice guy" merely by virtue of the fact he may seem overly nice. Clinginess or neediness are usually seen as undesirable, even though these traits may foster security and loyalty later.

Passive aggression

Dr Robert A Glover's "Nice Guy" theory is that the Nice Guy's relationship problems are due to passive aggression. He believes the niceness requires the men to suppress the overt expression of their desires, which leads to less direct covert expression.

Dr. Glover holds that the syndrome expands far beyond the dating world, and cripples the Nice Guy in nearly every aspect of his life. In his book "No More Mr. Nice Guy" he explains that "Nice Guys are fundamentally dishonest, and anything but nice." In short, Nice Guys are liars and untrustworthy. By repressing their own feelings, needs and desires, Nice Guys create "covert contracts" and hold other people accountable for their sense of self-worth. Dr. Glover provides helpful steps he calls "Breaking Free Exercises" designed to help Nice Guys take ownership of their lives and replace old, dysfunctional paradigms with new, healthy ones.

I TOLD you there was nothing wrong with me!

You Are 60% Normal

Otherwise known as the normal amount of normal You're like most people most of the time But you've got those quirks that make you endearing You're unique, yes... but not frighteningly so!

How Normal Are You?

You Are 52% Abnormal

You are at medium risk for being a psychopath. It is somewhat likely that you have no soul. You are at medium risk for having a borderline personality. It is somewhat likely that you are a chaotic mess. You are at medium risk for having a narcissistic personality. It is somewhat likely that you are in love with your own reflection. You are at high risk for having a social phobia. It is very likely that you feel most comfortable in your mom's basement. You are at low risk for obsessive compulsive disorder. It is unlikely that you are addicted to hand sanitizer.

How Abnormal Are You?

Nothing to Say

I still don't really have anything to say, but my ability to avoid work degrades with every passing day, so I thought I would post a blog anyway. Just to practice my procrastination. These things are important, you know.

This morning, I have realized two things. First...I really have no business driving this early in the morning. I haven't had a wreck, but I could possibly have come close. I say possibly, because I have no way of being even remotely sure. You see, I get in the car, immediately zone out, then suddenly I'm at work, 30 miles away. Second...if you buy a soda at a convenience store first thing in the morning, you should probably decline the brown paper bag that they will try to give you. Unless, of course, you like staggering into your place of business looking like a wino. I don't do well with mornings. Have I mentioned that?

Oh...and I just have to show everyone this again. That's MY man.

Stealth Blogging

My mom asked me for pictures of the new place. A couple hundred times. I finally got around to taking them and decided that the easiest way to get them to the family back home would be a blog. But then I thought about it, and decided that it might be better if they don't see this particular blog. You never know when a random family-negative comment might need to be made. Anyway, if any of you guys want to see the pictures, here you go. Try not to enjoy yourselves too terribly much.